The Dream of Ordered Bride

Marriage usually gives a bunch of dreams. But, even a dream has two angles; they are the bad one and the good one. In Singkawang, those angles present their extreme sharpness.

By: Muhlis Suhaeri

On a paper she starts to write the names one by one. Her pen starts to shake. There is a pressure at each letter which she writes. The lists of words form a sentence. Cen Seng Fung, Po Chen, Sie Chi, at a moment, her breath starts to be unstable. That oriental face starts to ossify and strained. Her Mimic and face her implies sorrow. Hurt that very deep in.

After she wrote those names, her face directly bent down. She looks weak and pale. Her expression seems that she just lifted burden. A very heavy burden of hers. But he mimic looks more relax. She has an expression of submission on her faith and destiny that is not in her sides.

That woman named A Jan. She is one of ”Amoy”, it is a called of Tionghoa woman, a victim of ordered bride.


A Jan was born on December 7 1980 in Batu Payung village, district of Karimunting, sub-district of Bengkayang, West Kalimantan. That region used to be the part of Singkawang. After the separation, the region along the coast that face directly with Sea of South China, became parts of Bengkayang regency. The name of Batu Payung came from a little island that came up on the sea. A tree grew up among the rocks.

If we come to that place, a beach with its white sand will be seen. The sun sets very beautifully here. That view is very contrast with the condition of its surrounding. The bushes and the coconut trees combined with the simple house made of woods and the roof is made from sago palm or zinc. The way to this village is also very simple. Hard soil combined with the rocks with 2 meters width.

Most of the people that live there are from Tionghoa ethnic. Most of them are from Khek tribe. There are just view Maduranese family. People on the north coast of West Kalimantan keep pigs as their occupation. No wonder if we visit that place, the bad smell that come from pigs dirt will be smelled. Besides that, people there also find their living be fishing in the sea.

their tools to fish are simple. A little boat and the fish trap in the middle of the sea. In that fish trap, they make the net all night. However, the result is not enough. It is usually consumed only for their own needs. There was a factory of fish processing in that place. But that factory was closed. However, the trace of the existence of that factory is still can be seen clearly. The quay woods as long as tens meters to the sea to take the fish is also still in a good condition.

A Jan is the fourth child from eight siblings. Family economic pressures, makes her not able to continue her study. She was only able to study until the second grade of junior high school. After that, she tried her luck in Jakarta. A Jan worked as the shop keeper. She lived in Jelambar, West Jakarta. She lived and worked in Jakarta for a year.

She was matched with the Taiwan man by her family. For the people in her place, get married with Taiwan man is a common thing. Near to her home, there was 11 people that have got married with Taiwan man. They are living in Taiwan up to now.

A Jan was married when she was 17. her husband named Cen Seng Fung -41 years old. A Jan’s Mother’s sister in law was the person who introduced them. The marriage with Taiwan man always trough the matchmaker. A matchmaker can be from his/her own family, people who have married and live in Taiwan, of from the real matchmaker.

Ordered bride started with the visit of ”Kadin” or the Taiwan’s trader to West Kalimantan on 1980. the visit was continued by visiting Singkawang. The distance from Singkawang to Pontianak is about 145 Km to the North. ”In order to tied up the relationship, it is done by having the marriage among them” said Hairiah, a Child and Women activist in Kalimantan.

They assumed that marriage was one of the ways to tied up the brotherhood. Singkawang people believe that they have the same ancestors with Taiwan people. That is from China, Tiongkok.

In its development, ordered bride that symbolized of the kinship increasing become the way to get benefit for some people. They take the advantages from the owe eve of the education, family living source, the unknown about the right and obligation, consumerism, unfair gender issue or the majority of matrilineal culture in the family or the society.

”The low level awareness of a child value, and also others factors that become the weak point of family and society become the point of the matchmaker to persuade the parents to allow their children’s marriages,” said the head-covered woman that was invited to Taiwan, when she finds out this problem.

There is a certain pattern in the ordered bride. On the era of 1980s, usually, the woman that come to Taiwan. When she arrives in Taiwan, there is a facilitator that find the ”Amoy” to the Taiwan man. In the year of 1990s, the man from Taiwan who came to West Kalimantan to find Singkawang girl.

They even came with their parents. On the year of 2000s, marriage has been a business field. It become one way to find money. Many cases where a marriage woman came back to Singkawang. It absolutely after they go a lot of money and goods.
Various reasons and people who used the matchmaker to find their own prosperity make the ordered marriage happens. The matchmakers go to the poor village in the suburb. They look for the poor young woman. The matchmaker persuades and offers them to get married with the Taiwan man. And as the repayment, is to change their life to be better.

They also offer they service as the match bureau, and make the marriage package. It will make the prospective groom easier to held the marriage. Amoy usually obey all of the requirements that are given by the matchmaker. Especially in the case of documents and administrative procedure. Usually all the data related to the age will be manipulated. It was done because Amoy usually still in a very young age, -under 18.
”Parents role is very important to allow the intension of the matchmaker.”
Often, Amoy resist to be matched with the bridegroom, because, the man is much more older that her. When Amoy does not want to the matched, her parents will force them. With the reason to dedicate to their parents, and the willingness to get out from the poverty, finally Amoy will agree. If parents are agree too, the matchmaker will take care of all of the administration related to the marriage, and the preparation of the wedding party. All of the marriage cost will be demanded to the bridge groom.

The lack of Amoy’s education and the information of the prospective husband, are the gaps in this problem. The bridge should have the sufficient information, so it become the consideration for her future. Get married with anybody is the right of every person. ”but, she has also get a sufficient information about who is her prospective husband, where do they come from etcetera,” Hairiyah said.

Before the wedding party is held, usually, the pictures that is sent to the girl are the pictures of a good looking guy. But that just a fake. That thing is a trick that matchmaker does. The poverty and the unknown factors are the gaps that are always used by the matchmakers. When there is something wrong with the marriage, no one that should be responsible. If the trouble happens, Amoy that does not know her right will remain silent. Often they will go back to Indonesia and leave her child behind. They choose to get divorce. The reason is they have been exploited physically, mentally and sexually.

There are some reasons why ordered marriage happens in West Kalimantan. It is the poverty. West Kalimantan lies in the west of Kalimantan island, between line 2.08 LU and 3.05 LS. Width of the region is 146.807 Km, or 7, 53 percent of Indonesia. It is equivalent with one and a half of Java Island. West Kalimantan consists of 10 sub-provinces, and 2 municipal administrations. Based on Badan Pusat Data Statistik (BPS) or Statistical Data Center, in the year 2003, the number of residents is 3.947.691 people. It Consists of 2.038.471 men, and 1.909.220 woman. The number of children is 33,21 percent from the total residence.

The spread of the residence is not well. West Kalimantan is the fourth poorest province in Indonesia. Based on BPS, the level of poverty tends to be the same in the city or in the village. The poverty number in village is 14.42%. Index Development of Human Being OF West Kalimantan is on the 27 rank from 32 provinces in Indonesia. Base on the previous study from Bappeda on 2002, IPM 62.5. On 2004, IPM 65.4. IPM is the rate of education level, income, and health level.

Poverty is also the main reason of ordered bride. In order to change the family economic condition, a child has to obey the parents and her big family, and get married with Taiwan man. Besides that, the willingness to have a better life, change to go abroad, well perform, own their private asset, and because of love. They also want to get a better life by having a husband that love and respect them.

the man powers problem. With the high level of unemployed for about 8.80%. based on the data from the labor department and the society of West Kalimantan in 2003, the employee participation in the village is bigger than in the city. The percentage in the city is 74.70%, then in the village, it is for about 60.94%. but the level of the jobless in the city is 15.69%, and in the village is just about 6.66%. it is because the village sectors are more open for the job from various informal sectors. Or the sectors that less demanded the skill.

The rapid world development that is not followed by the increase of the ability, makes the competition is getting harder. It is also the cause of specific problems in developing country. The big number of workers but with the low quality. The globalization finally cause the immigration of the workers from poor country to rich country.

Education problem. Based on the data from education department (Diknas) in west Kalimantan, in 2004 there are 164.628 illiterate people. The level of education of the society is junior high school graduated. It reaches 85.34% from the total numbers. Because of that, for the work fields that demands the special education and skills, they can not be hired.

The problem of death mother. The number of death mother because of giving birth in West Kalimantan is about 5.2% per 1000 birth. The factors are the pregnancy that is not handled by the doctor, anemia pregnant mother, lack of zinc and others.

Taiwan is a cultural fusion and united culture. The problem of culture a Tionghoa people in West Kalimantan has the similar culture with Taiwan. Confucianism, Buddhism, and the adoration of the ancestors. People think that marriage with Taiwan man is the combination of the culture.

Why do Taiwan man choose Amoy as their life partner? People of Taiwan think that Amoy is loyal, diligent and very consistent in taking care of the family. Besides that, getting married with Amoy is cheaper that Taiwan girl where they have to prepare the car, house, and other household equipment. ”the married cost with a Taiwan girl is equal with the cost of 5-6 Amoy from Singkawang”, said A nga, a man from Singkawang.

So, how much do the cost that has to be prepared to get an Amoy? ”With the cost about 60 million, a Taiwan man is able to proposed Amoy,” A Nga said. The currency of Taiwan is dollar Taiwan. I U$ dollar is equal to 33 dollar Taiwan.

That money is to take care all marriage documents, the journey cost, and the accommodations. All of letters such as passport can cost for about 17-20 million rupiah. ”Amoy’s parents will only get 6 million rupiah”, A Nga said. No wonder, when in the problem of ordered marriage, the person who get the most benefit is the matchmakers.

Get marriage with Taiwan man is an easiest way to raise up the family economic. Right after marriage, Amoy can send some money to her parents in the village. With that money, they will be able to fix the house and as the capital for having a business.

As the description, based on the bank in Singkawang, the data of transfer from abroad in 2004 is Rp 2.433.050.436. in 2005 the total transfer increase become Rp 3.987.471.804. that is the number for one bank. Meanwhile, there are 5 banks in Singkawang. Not all the money is from Taiwan, but the biggest number is from there, said one of the bank staff.

The Taiwan man that married with Amoy usually from the middle to down level. If they life in the city, it usually from the cleaning service or others. If it is from village, it is usually farmer. In the beach area, it is usually from the fishermen. Although the man works in the government department, it is usually a retired or more than 40 years old.

Get married with Taiwan man is just like a gamble. If she gets a good man and he really wants to life with her, so Amoy will be able to increase the level of her family. But if she is unlucky, so the violence in the house can be happen.

As a farmers’ wife, Amoy has to work as a farmer too and work whole day to help her family in the farm. The worst is her husband works as a fisherman, when the famine is there, and the man can not pay the loan to get married, so the wife will be used to pay the debt. Whether as the prostitute, or anything. The more lucky if Amoy get a soldier or a civil servant as her husband, because she will get the salary for each month.

Besides that, the ordered bride is very sensitive with problems. They get a low legal status. This will make them difficult. The spread of Amoy community also make the coordination become difficult. The language also gives the problem too. Many of Amoy that can not speak mandarin. In West Kalimantan, they usually use Chinese with Khek and Teochiu dialects.

According to Domestic Ministry of Taiwan of year 1987-2003, there is 240.837 foreign people step into Taiwan with 93 % of bride. From Chinese Continent 57,8 % and South-East Asia 42,2 %. From that amount, ordered bridge of South-East Asia, counted 57,5 percentage of Vietnam. 23, 2 percentage of Indonesia. 5,3 percentage of Thailand. And 5,3 percentage of Filipina. Korean The rest and other.

Woman that get married with Taiwan man and their children are considered as the second level society. They often get the discrimination in Taiwan society. They are considered as the trouble maker in Taiwan. That is why, in 2003, Taiwan’s government give the limitation for the marriage with Amoy from Indonesia. It is about 2000 marriages each year. That is done because it is worried that the marriage will bring problem for Taiwan.

The fact that the position of women is in the sensitive spot. Even they already have children, but before 4 years, Amoy still become the foreign citizen in Taiwan. That is why they are easily to be depurated if they are considered brake the law and guilty. When it happen, they can do nothing. If they runaway, they have to leave their children.

In the article titled How Taiwan Law Discriminates Against the Newly-Arrived Female Immigrants, Bruce Liao, an assistants professor dari NCCU Taiwan, wrote, “The main laws governing immigrants’ destiny: the immigration act, the act governing relations between people of Taiwan area and the mainland area, the act governing the issuance of visas in foreign passports, the nationality act, the employment service act.

The pre-entry and entry barriers, regardless “the right to live together”. Screening interview mechanism: open-ended standards, hostile and humiliating attitude, awesome discretion. Discriminatory quotas: no exception or preference for family-based immigrants, immigration quotas along the national and regional lines—picking the superior races, quota for immigrations from mainland China have been enacted and enforced newly-arrived female immigrants in the land of Taiwan.

Unfair causes for deportation; vague and open-ended terms (e.g. national security, public interest, etc.), very trivial matters (e.g. gambling or breach of peace), without taking marriage immigrants’ special status into account, other unfair situations (e.g. catch an infection). That paper was told in the International Workshop for Asian NGOs on Female Imigran and Migrants event. That was held on 13-15 Mei 2005, in Chien Tan Overseas Youth Activity Center, Taipe, Taiwan.

Now Taiwan government do the new immigrations. Taiwan gives the chance to the foreign people that married with Taiwan man to learn the language, culture, and habits in an institution. No wonder if the people from Chine, Vietnam, Indonesia, Philippine, Korea, and others follow that program.

There is also a TV channel that give a hotline service. When somebody experience the violence, and other law problem, they can contact that service anytime by using any language. Even in the church, they make an association. They learn about togetherness, sharing each other about their problem, and solve it together.

After married, A Jan directly taken to Taiwan. They live in Chu-Pei city, Hsin-chu, Taiwan. Cen Seng Fung is the first child. Both of his sisters are girls. His father died as a soldier, when he was a boy. So Chen was taken care by his mother. For Taiwan people, a mother has a strong role in a family, even in finance matters.

A Jan does not want to tell her mother in law’s name. Hen expression suddenly become terrible when she was asked to write down her name.

After a year marriage, that couple has children. The first child is Po Chen, the second is Sie Chi, that was born on their third year marriages. Happiness always be in this family. When holiday, we always go to the ma or the zoo,” said A Jan.

With two children make Cen gives more attention to his wife. That makes his mother fells lonely. The mother tries to do something to get his son’s attention. She tells Cen that A Jan does not allow he to carry Po Chen and Sie Chi. Because of that, Chen started to be rude to A Jan. Every heard his mothers’ complaining, Cen directly hit A Jan. A Jan does not fight back or tell others about that. There is no relatives there. For several years, A Jan got physical abuse. Cen also use wood or iron stick to hit A Jan. No one care of A Jan because they think that is the problem in her family.

One day, Cen hit A Jan by using base ball stick. That makes A Jan must be hospitalized. Her left arm crack. After that, her husband starts to have good behave. But it just a moment, then Cen starts to hit his wife again.

The cruel action to A Jan makes her shocked. Fear always haunted her every time. When her husband come back from the office, it means hit and violence for her. Because of that physical stress, A Jan always screaming out side of the house. Looking at that thing, Cen directly drag her into the house.

A Jan started to be considered crazy. Cen does not give permission to her to tackle care of the children. She was shocked with that. A Jan has a depression. Her husband too her to the mental hospital. For a few moment she was taken care there. In the hospital A Jan tried to kill her self. She slice her hand by glasses. Blood was every where, but A Jan could survive, the slice did not cut her veins.

Ironically, because if that her husband divorced her. When in the hospital, Cen asked A Jan to sign the letter. Because she did not know, so she signed that letter. After she cure, she was sent home to Indonesia. And her children is with her husband.

In Jakarta, A Jan was taken to Pontianak to her village. For more that a year, A Jan was taken care. Her family thinks that there is an evil spirit inside her. So that, her family took her to the lauya or Chinese hamlet. A Jan even got hospitalized in Bodok hospital, or mental hospital in East Singkawang. She stayed there for few time alone. There were no law action for what had happened to ajan.

Although trouble often appear in an ordered marriage, but those problems are rarely to be known by the society. There are some factors that cause the difficulty in the handling of ordered marriage. One of them is from the family and the victim that always covered the problem. They think that the problem is the family scandal.

”That is why, the problem has to be covered and people out side the family souls not have to know it,” said Rosita Nengsih, The coordinator of LBH PEKA Singkawang. No wonder that if there is people outside the family are restricted by the family if they want to help the victim. The victim and her family usually do not want to talk with them.

This case is agreed by Maya, the social workers that often go to the village in Singkawang. Most of them are Tionghoa people. ”Actually we want to help their problem, but they refused it. They are too exclusive,” Maya said, with a little upset.

That attitude is not just appear in that way. There must be the background of it. Hari Purwanto wrote in his book, the people of Chinese Khek from Singkawang, ”the discriminative that often experienced the Chinese people in Indonesia not only because of Indonesian are jealous with the succeed of Chinese people. That is not the real reason. If Chinese thinks that they often be discriminated, they should analyzed about the real problem. In fact, that attitude that they received is because their own attitude in the past. long time ago Chinese always have a strong orientation to their ancestors. This attitudes avoid them to assimilated with the people surrounding them. Sometimes, the chauvinism among Chinese is so high, so some of them assumed that their people is more prestige than other tribes in Indonesia. Chauvinism is a psychology boundary for Chinese people to get assimilated with Indonesian.

In the era of colonial zed, Dutch separated the society into 3 classes. first European an (Dutch). Second Vremde Oosterlingen (Chinese, Arabic, India).third, Inlander (the native Indonesian). In the era of old Orde, Sukarno also made a discriminative statement. Sukarno published the government rules no 10/1959, that rules was about the forbidden for the non native little trader out side the capital. By this rule, Tionghoa finally gathered only in one place.

What about with the new Orde? This time is as the worst. Some attitudes and discriminative action manifest in many form. The legalized of SBKRI for Tionghoa was one of the most discrimination action that have ever done. On the name of SBKRI, various life side was stricter economical or politically. SKBRI also supported by special people to get some money. Various administration of identity card or documents always need a lot of money for the Tionghoa. Well, that kind of history that made Tionghoa people became introverted people.

For this long time, Indonesian government does not response this problem seriously. The handling of this problem never been finished. The link were disconnected in some places. There are some factors that can be done to reduce the problem of ordered marriage. In the making of important documents, just like identity card, passport, the related side must be more careful. For example by asking the person who make the passport, whether his or her age is already reached the standard or not.

For al this time, the immigration does not have their braveness. They think that administratively that thing are completed. So there is no reason not to give the passport, Hairiyah said.

Besides that, there are some opinion in the society, why do the people who want to be happy by having the marriages must be forbidden? When handled the passport making procedure, parents must have known about it. And this is a deal, not a rule brake.

Based on the data from immigration people in Singkawang, there is the increasing of women that want to have the passport. There are two kinds of passport, 24 pages for 3years, and 459 pages for 5 years. People who get married by the Taiwan man, usually make 48 pages passport, said the immigration officers in Singkawang. If in 2004 people that want to make the 48 passport are 1819 people. In 2005, it increasing became 2999. but the number of people who want to make 24 pages passport was decreased, in 2004 there were 9060 people, in 2005 became 964. so did with the woman worker that applied for the passport. In 2004 there were 1127 peoples, in 2005 it became 109 people.

Nosed on the data in the Singkawang court from 1997-2003, there were 170 cases of divorce with the Taiwan husband. The court was held in absensi or without the attendance of one side. That case is agreed if the proposed can explain their reasons correctly, and the court agreed it. After the divorce, in getting the right to take care of the children is also obstacle.

So, how does a mother can get the right to take care of her children?

M. Akil Mochtar, the vice of representative house III of Indonesia, when he was met in an seminar in Pontianak said in the matter of marriage that happened between Indonesian women with foreign man, based on Indonesian law, so the children that born will have their father’s nationality.

When the mother want to get her right to the under age children, it can possibly done by claiming in the national courts where her marriages were noted. And it usually can be seen if the mother has the capability in and a sufficient income. But the law matters are the children still have the foreign nationality and stay in Indonesia with the limited time. If the requirement are not fulfilled, he can be deported by the immigration.

Yes, the rule of law in Indonesia does not give the space for the women that got marriage with foreign people, to have the right to keep her children. Although the marriage happened in Indonesia. The constitution no. 62. 1958 stated that when the woman get marriage with the foreign people, the children will have the foreign nationality. When the children reach the age of 17, he/she can choose their own nationality that they want.

Some people that lost the trace, because there is no news from it. As experienced by Gow Sie Lan family in Singkawang. She got married with the Taiwan man in 1982. up to now, the news from her has never been heard. Her family can not do much. There is no money to find the information to Taiwan.

It can not be denied that ordered marriage has presented the fact of human trafficking, but it is covered by the marriage ritual. The lack of early information before the marriages caused many problems that appear later. Things that make it difficult, the numbers of the cases can not be seen in the surface. That woman’s family will be very closed if there is a trouble. The matchmaker also do not want to be responsible when there is a problem.

Finally, the problem of ordered marriages, just like the phenomenon of ice berg. There are just a little in the surface, but in fact, it has a grate numbers in side.

Now, A Jan started her new life. But the trauma from the past and her longing to her children always come to her. Not mush that she can do. It is possible to go to Taiwan, because the cost is too big. Whereas, she has a great willingness to see her children. She surrendered to her life and destiny that grab her right as a mother.

To heal her longing to her children, A Jan often sit alone in the harbor of the coast in the afternoon. She sits for hours there, while looking at the sea. She hopes that two reflection of her children appear in the middle of the sea. It was really absurd, but by that way she can heal her longing. ***


Publish in Play Boy Indonesia Magazine April 2006